Who I Was, and Who I Am

March 2, 2011

My story, as well as the story of anyone who professes the name of Christ, is a story with two very important chapters that complement each other. A chapter detailing who I was, and who I am. They do not go without each other, one does not cancel out the other. Without who I was, Christ’s power would seem less.

I was a boy who learned a lot of  things too young in this life. I chased my desires and my emotions. I lived to please myself. I did not look out for the ultimate good of anyone but myself. I craved things contrary to God. I was self-righteous, thinking very highly of my thoughts, and my wisdom in regard to just about anything. I was right all of the time, in any argument. I kept to myself. I put on a front. I was a fool.

But even I can’t argue that fact that Jesus has done something incredible in my life. I was once a boy. But as Paul urges us, we are to put childish things behind us. We are to press onward. We are to run this race with perseverance and endurance. For it is Christ, who works in us, to do and will as He pleases.

I just can’t explain this longing in my heart to be more for Him. It isn’t anything I would have desired. Yet He has placed this in me. It’s like He has turned on all of the lights in a soul that was so dimly lit. I don’t say these things as one who has learned it all, or seen it all, or know it all. To quote my late grandfather: “The older I get, it seems the less I know.” Yet I know this: “In this life you will face many hardships.. but fear not, for I have overcome the world.”

He has overcome me.


Sabbath

February 22, 2011

I love ministry. I love that as the body of Christ, we are called to reach the broken, the hungry and the lost. Part of my job in ministry is to create visual experiences through video and animation to walk people into rich truth of God’s word. That is my vision, and that is my passion for everything that I do- that God’s glory is manifested through the medium of video and photo.

I’ve often found myself so busy “doing ministry” that I am falling very short of mentally and spiritually growing. God may be using me to teach people in what I do, but how effective am I really being if I am not finding adequate rest in His grace? One of the points of taking a Sabbath is that I need to trust that God will use me with the time I can give, and rest on a day, trusting that He provides for my gaps of imperfection.

I think that is a challenge for anyone in ministry because there is always more to do. Always. People in ministry could work from dawn to sunset every day for the rest of their lives, until they are literally falling to pieces from exhaustion, and there would still be far more to do. So take some time for yourself and God. Go outside, on a walk, and just talk to Him. Commune with the one who made you.


Between the Delivery Room and the Grave.

January 3, 2011

Well 2010 has come and gone like a mighty wind, or a freight train, or something. I actually got pulled over and got a ticket on New Years eve afternoon, so I was more than excited to officially usher that year into the past.

Every time that someone dies, crashes their car, or it’s New Years we get a little reflective. Which is great. I think we could all do a little more thinking, and a lot less doing. To help keep a correct perspective within the busyness in life, I am able to slow down when I correctly balance these two seemingly contradicting truths:

1) I am alive.
2) I am dying.

1) Life really is something, isn’t it? I mean we live in a giant expanse called space (not really much of an original name when you think about it) on a big sphere with a breathable gas called “air.” Every “morning” we are orbiting a giant inferno called “the sun,” and we are surrounded by an infinite number of stars, planets, asteroids, galaxies, etc. If you really, really think about it, all of the things that we take for granted and think of as normal seem just as strange as the science fiction we read about. I mean you read about. I don’t read science fiction.

2) We are dying! Huzzah! I got out of the shower this morning with aches all through my body, and I’m only twenty-one. I move like a turtle.

If you focus too much on the first statement on Life, you will likely live in excessive reckless abandon without much thought or care for others around you. For example, when many people think of living life to the fullest, they think of drinking as much as they can, and sleeping around, without so much as a thought about the consequences to themselves or the people they are with. If you live only according to number two, you will likely find yourself very hopeless, and while you’ll be able to write some great poetry or paint a pretty scary pictures that deserves to be featured in a gallery, you will be pretty depressed.

But holding one of these truths in each hand really delivers something incredible. But now that I think about it, I find that they alone are incomplete. Because someone can hold these two truths correctly, causing them to live a loving and moral life, but I think that there is a lot more to life than that.

3) It’s about Jesus.

I think those three sum it up. I am living, hooray! I am dying, huzzah! And by the way, it’s really all about Jesus, the Son of God, who takes away the sin of the world. Because without Him, there is no answer to our sin. No-one to pay the price for our disobedience. People can still live what is deemed a good or moral life and still reject Jesus, making in my opinion their balance of living and dying rather unimportant, because what they did on Earth left little eternal impact.

And this is the sort of thing I think about before going to Wawa for the day.


A Snapshot.

December 28, 2010

IMG_6428, originally uploaded by kentonmast.

This picture was taken in NYC when me and a few friends were able to go up for the day. We had all had a great time walking around the city, doing some shopping, seeing all of the sights, and unfortunately all of the smells, and found a KFC to get some food at before getting back onto the bus.

This particular man was sitting alone in the back corner of the room, mumbling to himself various sayings which were probably distant memories from his own life experiences. Occasionally he would raise his voice, and even do some kung-fu motions with his hands in the air. He was eating food that another stranger gave to him, but he was eating it with his bare hands.

Maybe he had been a soldier, who had been mentally ravaged by some war. Maybe he had been born into an abusive family who beat him senseless. Maybe he had been a successful business man or executive, who lost it all, and turned to cocaine or heroin to medicate his waking hours to blur indiscriminately into his sleep. Perhaps he was even possessed by a demon, who tormented him physically and mentally to the point where he would not be able to recognize his own reflection.

It was a pretty cold night that night, as anyone can expect it to be in New York City in December. The wind was unforgiving, and when that KFC closed, this man would have to be led outside and sent away.

This elderly, wrinkled, clearly unstable man was human, and experienced life through a similar lens as I. He was born into this world, grew up with memories of home, and life, and love, and despair.

All of that to say simply this: We should be so humbled by this. Let us not be too quick to pass judgment in place of extending compassion.


James 4:13-14

November 27, 2010

Folded hands., originally uploaded by kentonmast.

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow! What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.

Here is one of the last shots I got of my grandpa while he was still alive. As with any time someone dies, it serves as a reminder that all of our days are numbered by our Creator, and eventually we too will pass.


The Distance Between the Head and the Heart

November 7, 2010

What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.

It is a scary thing to recognize that we can know all of the answers, avoid the “major sins,” and yet still fall so drastically short of God. In the book of James, this central theme is spelled out clearly; our beliefs and our actions are absolutely intertwined. They can not be separated.

How many of us, as Christians, may “pray” for people instead of actually doing anything? I could expound on that. But take a moment to soak in that. We essentially say “God be with you, may you be blessed, may you be freed, may you be healed,” and we keep our filthy hands out of their filth. People are messy, and they take risk, so I choose to opt out of their messiness, all the while not recognizing that my soul is poisoned by my pride, and my hands are soaked in the blood that crucified my Savior. That reminds me of the story when Jesus tells us to remove the plank from our own eyes before trying to remove the speck in someone else’s eye.

Believing in God is not enough.

And that’s so hard, because I want to know a lot about God, and I want to feel smart about my knowledge, and I want to use that knowledge to look a certain way. But we can all miss heaven by the distance between the head and the heart, because doctrine void of love is missing the point.


“I Am”

September 28, 2010


IMG_1487, originally uploaded by kentonmast.

If I were a tree
Would you be the sunlight?
Or would you be the fire,
Bringing the pain of new life?
Would you water these roots
Or burn them new?
Would you quench my thirst?
Or make me thirst only for you?

If I were a bird
Would you be the wind?
Or would you be the storm
Causing me to trust and depend
Would you lift me high,
Or take me to the glens?
Would you be in the sky?
Or would you be in the depths?

If I were a fish
Would you be a flowing stream?
Or the unsettling current
That sweeps me into the sea?
Would you give me my needs?
Or make me need more?
So much that only you
Could provide for whats in store.

But I am a man
Are you the open field?
Or are you the mountain?
That I must yield to?
Will you provide a way?
Or a thorn in my side?
Will you keep me when I sway?
Or let me fall behind, deeper into your arms?

Oh I don’t know
Maybe you’re both.


The Eyes of a Child

September 21, 2010


IMG_0477, originally uploaded by kentonmast.

Among my infinite character flaws is a particular one that stands out. I seem to think that at every given moment, I should know how to react. I should have something to say. I should have gotten this or that by this point.

But after an excruciatingly humbling year for me, I continue to realize that I don’t seem to know much more about any of the answers to some of my big questions. I took an opportunity to journal tonight, and after writing, I decided to go back and flip through some of my older entries. This is something I’d advise anyone who journals to do.

I found this pattern coming up a lot. I hold a large amount of expectancy of myself. Instead of looking at life like a big opportunity to serve God and others, I just tend to really carry things.

But what if there was so much more? What if I really believed the words of Scripture that speak of life being a race, and that I must never cease to press onward toward the prize. What would happen, i wonder, if I trusted God so much that I didn’t worry about tomorrow, or build elaborate schemes motivated by how much money I do or don’t have.

Children don’t really tend to think about regrets, or concerns. They just tend to think about whatever is in front of them. What if I lived life like a little child standing at a glass door? What if life was lived like the adventure it was meant to be?


Europe Trip Entry

August 28, 2010

During our trip with the TourMagination tour group to Europe, I had a day where I was the scribe. This is that entry.

Already it is August 25th. Many of us have spent time wishing away days and weeks in anticipation for this trip, and now only a few days remain. Today we left Brig to go to Zermatt, where we were going to visit the mountain range including the famed Matterhorn. Last night we joked that Dennis Diller, out of childlike delight for our destination, would be awake several hours earlier than the already grim 5:30am wake up call. As expected, Dennis was eager to get on the tracks to Zermatt for a day of hiking and experiencing the land without the confines of a bus or train window. On a related note, Marta Frey was proudly sporting her hiking shoes.

After packing up our bags to have them shipped separately to Lauterbrunnen we walked to the station to catch our train. We only had to switch to a different train once, and then we were officially on our way. We could not have asked for a better morning to be traveling through the Swiss countryside. The windows in the train cars went down almost the entire way, and most of my time was spent with my head out of the window, taking pictures and enjoying the brisk air rushing by.

Upon arriving at the train station in Zermatt, we made the most important stop of the day; the WC. Men walked in and out in steady rhythm, as women stood in something called a “line,” but I know nothing about that. While in the men’s restroom, a person who lacked patience, as well as a Y chromosome, was seen quickly exiting the stall. After she left, we all turned to each other, confused, and had a good laugh.  One anonymous woman in our own group, who was still in the back of the line, commented on this situation by saying that she may also soon take that route.

The day was largely a free day. We could go shopping, hiking, biking, paragliding, and eating to our heart’s desire and our wallet’s capacity. Many of us chose to see the Matterhorn first. .” When asked how to get to the top, Wilson Hershey responded, “A cable car of some sort, I can’t remember, my brain is too old.” Evidently, his memory is doing just fine, because we did have to take a cable car. Dennis, along with Jeremy Denlinger, were off to the base of the mountain on foot.

In order to get the best picture, as on the train, I stuck my head out of the cable car window. One thing I noticed was how incredibly quiet it was. There were no busy streets or noisy cars. No dogs barking, or children crying. The only sound was that of a calm wind that blew across the mountain. It’s moments like those that strike me the most. I took this rare opportunity of solitude to reflect on what heaven might be like. As revealed in scripture, God Himself has many traits that are present without contradiction. Likewise, perhaps heaven, while certainly containing shouts of jubilation, may also have areas of awe-inspiring silence like this mountainside.

After a half an hour, two cable cars, and an elevator, we were at an elevation of 12,200 feet. At the first level of the mountain, we were surprised to find a Bible verse engraved on a plaque. The plaque read “Great are the works of the Lord: Who is like God- Creator Lord! In awe we worship you, great and mighty eternal one, who created the heavens and gave the Earth it’s form, almighty and omnipotent God.” Scripture also tells us in Luke 19:40 that if we keep quiet about our faith, even the stones will cry out. It was certainly true that the creation we saw today pointed to a Creator. From the ground, the snow-capped mountains towered above us, tearing the blue skies with shades of gray and brown. In stark contrast, we now stood high above the town below. Even though we all have skill sets, and may be called experts in our various spheres of life, we were all equally humbled by the immensity of our precarious location. To quote Psalm 8:4, “What is man that you are mindful of him?” No camera or lens could do justice to the jags of the rocks, the depth of the valleys, the heights of the peaks, or the colors and contrasts of light. Indeed, even these words have fallen grievously short. There were many incredibly professional cameras at the top, held by equally professional photographers I am sure. But each picture they took was only a crude rendering of the actual mountain and the glory manifested throughout the surrounding creation.

We climbed several steps of stairs to get to the final level of the viewing area. Here, rather remarkably, there was a large crucifix with Jesus nailed to a cross. The position of the cross was in the foreground of the scenery, as if to remind us of the supremacy of Christ found in Colossians 1:16-17: “For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.”

An elevator ride away was the Glacier Palace where there was a long tunnel carved into the ice. There were ice sculptures inside of cars, couches, and people. There were also flowers entombed inside of large pieces of ice, backlit  by strands of blue lights. While it was very fun, it was also very cold, and we left around ten minutes later. Noon had passed, and we still had several cable cars left to get to the bottom in order to find food. On the ride down, we noticed a single dark gray cloud had enveloped the Matterhorn. While our visit to Zermatt had been on a perfectly clear day, clouds often shroud the mountain from the view of tourists; our timing had been miraculous, as our view was blocked only minutes later.

One thing I took notice to in Zermatt were the outrageous prices for food. Even McDonald’s, which conveniently lacked the European equal of our Dollar menu, had a meal for eleven Franc’s. A plain cheese burger was 2.50CHF.  After the rest of our group went shopping, and I had my fill of window shopping, we all met at our train station at 3:20pm. A day of rest and relaxation was brought to an end.

Or so we thought. But no good story goes without adversity. Dennis Diller, and hiking associate Jeremy Denlinger, were still nowhere to be found. We all boarded our train, while Matt and Kristina Eby stayed behind incase Dennis or Jeremy were to show up late to the platform. Another technique that showcases a good story is a plot twist. After leaving from Zermatt, our train did not reach our stop in Visp in time. Upon arriving in Visp, we had to quickly find the track and time of departure of our next train without losing anyone else in our group. We were already down four members. Each subsequent connecting train lasted for about thirty minutes. When it was our time to switch trains, we flocked after our new leader Greg Myers like a mass of lost sheep to their shepherd.

We arrived in Lauterbrunnen only half an hour behind our original schedule and met Wilson to get us to our hotels for the evening. About a half an hour after our arrival, all four of our late companions showed up. Jeremy and Dennis were both sunburned and burned out. From my sources, Jeremy and Dennis had only three bottles of water, two granola bars, and no sunscreen at the base of the Matterhorn. They asked three consecutive people in half an hour increments “How long will it take to get to the bottom from here?” All three of them responded “About an hour.” By the third person, they knew that they would never make it back on time. They saw a person who had a pick-up truck and asked him if they could have a ride down to Zermatt. His response before speeding off was “No thank you!” After finally getting off of the mountain, they guzzled a liter of Coka-Cola, and touched Kristina Eby’s shoulder to make sure she was real. Then they had to ride on a train car full of twelve-year-old children who were drinking energy drinks.

Needless to say, after a day like today, we will never let Dennis Diller or Jeremy Denlinger out of our sights ever again. Though I bet they could use some time away from each other.


A Providential Accident

August 12, 2010

It has been a long, long time since I’ve been intentional about writing. This goes not only for my Blog here, but also for my journal at home. I just haven’t found time for it. That being said, there is more than ever to talk about! But here is the one which God seems to have laid on my mind for the moment, and for good reason.

My life, as of 366 days ago, was laid out pretty well. I had just spent the entire summer living at Ocean City New Jersey with the Ocean City Beach Project, a two month long program designed to better develop Christian leaders. That is the quickest summary to give about it, but it was so much more than that. It was during that summer that God began to absolutely devastate my perceptions of how He operated. Questions of His sovereignty, His character, and His love began surfacing.

365 days ago Garret Barbush invited me over to his house to have a meeting about the Young Adults ministry at our church. I knew I wouldn’t be around, but I decided to go and meet new people and get a feel for the direction it would be heading. At the end of the meeting, I told him I wouldn’t be able to commit.

I was leaving soon for Pittsburgh to attend school in the fall, where I would be living with a friend just off campus. I would be helping to lead in our campus ministry organization. I would be taking classes with friends, staying up late laughing about nothing, and being one half of the world’s first ever Improv band known as “White Chocolate.” I would work hard to get good grades, but I would know when I had to rest. I would strive the best I could, and end up with somewhere around a 3.5 GPA. I would be going into my third year, with only a couple years between me and graduation, where me and a few close friends from my Freshman year dorm would be graduating together. My family would attend, and my mom would presumably be crying.

But none of those things happened, because when I left that night from Garret’s house, he shook my hand with his right hand, slapped my right shoulder with his left hand, and said “Ride safe, man,” and he gave this little wink that can be chalked up to a simple mannerism he often does. But looking back, I think there was a lot in that moment.

I, of course, disregarded his advice, and wound up in a cornfield about twenty minutes later with a motorcycle which was pouring gasoline. A broken finger, a broken hand, and a dislocated wrist later, and I was being hauled off by EMT’s to Lancaster General Hospital. On the way, I sang Amazing Grace to the four men in the ambulance. One of the men quietly hummed harmony. The other one asked if they had even begun giving me morphine yet. But they hadn’t, I just love singing.

It’s been a year since the most providential accident in my life. I wouldn’t trade that for anything in this world. It’s as if God said “Your hands will be more useful to me when they are broken, than had they remained intact.” And every day, I wake up to the pain in my right wrist, and right index finger. Each day, I wake to a daily reminder of grace.


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